Small.
That's how you feel.
Wrapped tightly in your shell,
Which you don't know how to escape.
Hurt.
That's how you feel.
Hiding behind your smile,
Answering safely with "I'm fine,"
A lie you've told so often
that you almost believe it.
Lost.
That's how you feel.
Not sure where you're going,
Or what you should believe,
Or how you can live as you.
In our world, it's common for us to hear the message of, "Just be you." With everything in society pushing for deceit, telling you to put on the best show you can, it isn't surprising that there has been a bit off pushback. A desire to just forget what the world says, and just live as me.
How many people actually do that? How many people actually stop paying attention to what others think and just live out what they believe?
The reason I am mentioning living by beliefs is because what we believe is a major part of what forms us. Decisions we make, perceptions we have of people and the world, and views we hold of right and wrong are all colored by what we believe.
Living genuinely partially requires knowing what our beliefs are, and be willing to put those beliefs into action.
I've been learning about the life of Paul the apostle in one of my classes, and I have been amazed to realize just how tough he was. Paul was persistent almost to a fault. Boldly he preached the message he believed in, no matter how much persecution he faced.
At one point while reading about him, I actually said to my roommate, "They like legit stoned Paul." The passage shocked me a little, because although I had heard that Paul had been stoned, it had clicked in my head before.
The people stoned Paul and then dragged him out of the city because they thought he was dead. That hit me. Paul was so beaten that they were convinced that they had killed him. Then Paul just gets up, goes back into the city, and then leaves the next day to go preach some more.
Paul showed amazing perseverance, and in many ways, honesty. He never failed to proclaim the gospel, believing its words strongly enough to live them out daily. His faith never seemed to waver in the face of persecution, and his life was nothing if not consistent. He believed he was called to preach, and so he did.
So often we have a hard time today living out our faith or worldviews. What we say is rarely shown through our actions. Even our actions are often inconsistent, one day showing us to be loving, the next showing us to be hateful.
If we really believe what we say we believe, why is it so hard for us to live genuinely?
One reason is that, while yes, living genuinely partially deals with beliefs, living genuinely also requires honesty. A seemingly obvious statement to be sure, but one difficult to achieve.
It can be so easy to deceive others, and even to deceive ourselves. When we meet people, we want them to like us or respect us, and so sometimes without even thinking about it, we show them only the parts of ourselves that we want them to see.
We have different faces to match different people, pulling each mask out at the right time. Who we are, or who we want to be, is lost in a sea of identities we can hardly keep up with.
When people ask if we are okay, we don't want them to know of our hurts. Maybe we don't want to burden them, maybe we don't want to appear weak, or maybe we just don't want to face the answer of no. So instead we say we're fine, and bury the hurt deep within ourselves, where all it does is grow.
We refuse to face our own problems. Convincing ourselves that we are okay becomes a daily habit, reminding ourselves of others pain, to which our hurt could never compare. How can my problems matter, when their problems are so much worse?
We deceive ourselves in other ways too, ignoring pieces of our identity that we don't like, and ignoring wrongs that we commit.
We deceive ourselves into thinking everything is under control when it is all falling apart.
We convince ourselves that we are better, or worse, than we actually are.
In these lies to self and empty displays to others, we create an image of ourselves that just isn't real. This false image is impossible to live out, but living truly as ourselves feels harder. It would require being honest with other people, risking their disapproval or even concern. It would require being honest with ourselves.
In thinking about this, I came to realize, that the only one who is never fooled by our shows is God. No matter how much we trick ourselves and others, God always can see straight past our facades. And in the end, all of our actions, everything secret will be brought to light. We aren't hiding anything from Him, and nothing will stay hidden forever. To me, this is comforting, because even when I'm lost in lies, God sees past them all. He knows me, even when I don't. It gives me hope that there's a way to find truth.
But back to the topic at hand. Whether you agree with me or not, whether you believe in God or not, you do believe something. So let me end with this:
Is it worth honestly living out what you believe? Is it worth living genuinely?
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